Raising awareness of NPD

"Persons afflicted with personality disorders are commonly found in the mainstream. They do not look strange and their public behaviour falls within acceptable and tolerable parameters. However, they can be dangerous... [they] always create victims. Victims experience physical, mental and emotional losses. Victims experience a reduction in self worth, unnecessary guilt, and emotional trauma... It is through the creation of these victims that the intrinsic needs of the personality disordered person are met. Their actions have purpose and intent. The pain and suffering experienced by the victim is premeditated. It is only through the creation of these feelings that the needs of the disordered person are fulfilled. These disordered persons find no fault with their behaviour, and accept no responsibility for the victim's predicament or feelings." [1]

I believe it is crucial to raise public awareness about narcissism, and the other Cluster B personality disorders - because while even the worst narcissists don't usually kill (at least not directly), they do invariably DESTROY LIVES.  In fact, it is their raison d'être.

And yet most of them appear to be respectable, successful, law-abiding citizens. Many of them are extremely charismatic and attractive.

But they are SOUL MURDERERS. They tread the fine line between 'bad' and 'mad', and their actions are as close to evil as any serial killer. (You need to get to 'know' one quite intimately to realise just how close to evil they are - and that is NOT an advisable thing to do.) They typically operate 'under the radar' and it might take a victim many months, years, sometimes even decades, to realise that the person they think they love is actually a mirage, an actor, a fake; a monster.

They have absolutely no conscience, no empathy, no moral compass, and genuinely ENJOY causing pain, confusion and distress to others. They create their own make-believe world based on delusions, deception, distortions and all the convincingly replicated "good bits" they suck, like vampires, from the unsuspecting people around them. They are masters of subterfuge. There is nothing in this world more dangerous than a pathological liar who believes s/he is telling the truth. And these people tell lies with more conviction than any of us normal human beings tell the truth. It's genuinely TERRIFYING.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), psychopathy and sociopathy affects both men and women of all ages, nationalities, sexualities, backgrounds, cultures, races and religions, although the prevalence is higher in men. You cannot spot one in a crowd - you could even date one for a long time and see only radiant goodness within them. They are very clever and very stealthy, but the cracks will always eventually start appearing in the facade, and the mask will always start slipping - usually after you have fallen helplessly under their spell.

Some of us are unfortunate enough to have a narcissistic parent, which will either kill us ("death by a thousand cuts", from childhood through to adulthood) or will make us goddamn indestructible. If you have a narcissistic mother, this blog is for you, although I do examine the dynamics of narcissism in several different types of relationship.

You do NOT want to get involved with one of these people. You do NOT want your sons and daughters to get involved with one of these people. You need to stay the fuck away from them, for the sake of your health, security and sanity.

The problem is, they are out there in their millions - literally, there are MILLIONS of them - disguised as decent human beings.

Resources and further reading:

[1] Dobbert, Duane Understanding Personality Disorders: An Introduction, Rowman & Littlefield, 2010

[2] http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a long-term pattern of abnormal thinking, feeling, and behavior in many different situations. The traits... will seem peculiar or disturbing when someone acts this way -- i.e., you will know that something is not right, and contact with narcissists may make you feel bad about yourself.... Trying to reform narcissists by reasoning with them or by appealing to their better nature is about as effective as spitting in the ocean. What you see is what you get: they have no better nature. The fundamental problem here is that narcissists lack empathy. Lacking empathy is a profound disturbance to the narcissist's thinking (cognition) and feeling (affectivity).