One of the most infuriating aspects of having a narcissistic mother is that her need, her compulsion to 'play the victim' - the admirable heroine struggling against endless adversity in her own fanciful fairytale - is so all-consuming, that it becomes difficult for the people around her to separate fact from fiction. This is all part of the powerful comprehensive gaslighting repertoire through which the narcissistic mother weaves her fantasy world.
I have finally stopped keeping silent about my mother's abuse. After thirty years of feeling ripped apart by hurt, guilt, confusion and misplaced loyalty, shouldering ALL the blame, and jeopardising my own mental health, I will now never shut up about what that woman made me suffer. I am now my mother's worst fucking enemy, and I have never felt so energised or proud of myself. One or two of my mother's enablers, who must SURELY at least have their suspicions that she is, to say the least, "not all there", have listened to my side of the story, and they have chosen to reject it. They have chosen instead to believe HER. Part of the reason for this is that it is natural for all of us to make unfair and biased assumptions about someone we don't personally know very well - someone we have heard (via a third party who we do know, and trust) is perhaps a little bit unbalanced and not very kind. If that third party happens to be the MOTHER of the person we don't personally know very well... now why would anyone doubt the words of a mother?
Dear Christ, what kind of heartless bitch cuts off her own MOTHER?!
As I stated in my blog post The narcissist: an emotionless facsimile, my mother is a 'victimised narcissist'. To elaborate further: She is a victimised covert malignant narcissist. She's certainly not the WORST malignant narcissist or psychopathic megalomaniac (extreme individuals such as Hitler, Diane Downs, Ted Bundy and Charles Manson can rightfully claim that dubious mantle, along with thousands of other twisted freaks both past and present), but her worst atrocities occur 'under the radar' (hence 'covert'), secreted away from the senses and sensitivities of those people she leans on for supply - i.e. the enablers who think nothing of calling me a liar. So while I do not believe she is in the least bit capable of literal murder, I do know for a fact (as I have witnessed it) she can shred a person's self-worth and soul like a ravenous lioness can efficiently dispense with a wounded gazelle. It's just that, unlike the lioness, who at least kills quickly and then has the decency to consume the victim of her attack and share the spoils with the rest of the pride, the victimised covert malignant narcissist mother destroys S-L-O-W-L-Y, calculating each incremental chipping-away with the kind of detached sadism you thought could never exist in real life. And what compels her to do this? It's the psychological equivalent of bloodlust. She simply enjoys doing it. It makes her feel better. It gives her purpose. It temporarily fills the unfillable void. And as she's doing it, she claims that the person she is destroying with absolute cold-blooded intent is, in fact, DESTROYING HER. ("All of my daughters have been so challenging", I once overheard her complain to one of her credulous comrades, making sure to miss out the bit about having rejected, neglected, manipulated and abused all three of us. As for 'challenging'... well, that is a somewhat unfair accusation that I now have every intention of finally living up to. Just watch me.)
Fuck knows how she does it and gets away with it. Fuck knows how and why people believe her. I've stopped even trying to understand.
Diane Downs: when a murderer plays the victim
I mentioned Diane Downs above as an example of extreme malignant narcissism - the ultimate sociopathic/ psychopathic 'mother' who, even after having attempted to murder all three of her kids (one of whom successfully), she still, through smirks and fake tears (see the second of the two videos below), claimed victimhood. Diane says, "Everybody says 'you sure were lucky'... well, I don't feel very lucky. I couldn't tie my damn shoes for about two months.... I think my kids were lucky." She makes this breathtakingly inappropriate statement, with belligerence and levity in equal measure, in the knowledge that one of her children is dead and the other two remain grievously injured in hospital.
The psychiatrist in the first video below explains how there are 'levels' of sociopathy/ psychopathy (which I understand to be, in essence, the most severe malignant narcissism), and that Diane Downs "lives at the deep end" of this spectrum. My own mother has been paddling away at the shallow end of the spectrum for most of her life, and I don't think she will venture any deeper. She certainly won't ever shoot anyone in cold blood (not even me) and then blame a fictitious bushy-haired stranger, not even if it means garnering temporary interest and attention from a captivated audience.
Diane Downs, who is now 60 years old and has already served over 30 years of her life sentence, serves as a stark and sobering example of just how disturbed and 'devoid of emotion' a woman can be. The fact that the true extent of her evil was only revealed in all its unspeakable horror to her own children is something I can only too easily believe.
Dr Barbara Ziv: Why did Diane Downs plot to kill her children?
 |
| Diane Downs was convicted in 1984 of the murder of her eldest child Cheryl and the attempted murder of her son and other daughter. She gave birth to her fourth child while in custody (see second link below). She has always maintained her innocence. |
Below is some of the most chilling footage of Diane Downs, who is (in my opinion) one of the most pathologically narcissistic and evil 'mothers' this world has ever seen, along with some details and analyses of her crime, committed 33 years ago, in May 1983. It's really quite astonishing:
Resources and further reading:
If I had NPD, would I know it? Not only would I probably not know, I’d probably be very adamant that I didn’t have NPD. Chances are I might even be very certain that everyone except me was a Narcissist, and I might even blog about it. I might even consider myself to be an expert on NPD… if I was a Narcissist there would be no ‘might’ about it, no doubt, Narcissists do not know how to doubt themselves, they don’t self-reflect they self-project...
No comments:
Post a Comment