"Don't get too close to anyone"

Following on from my previous post about whether or not narcissists are capable of love, here's a memory I have from 2006, which convinces me that my mother's narcissism is nothing more than a terrible, self-sabotaging defence mechanism. (This leads me to believe that narcissists are made, not born that way: their insidious madness is a response to stressors, an "emotional shutting down".)

I had recently celebrated my 30th birthday, and agreed to meet my mother and my dad at a restaurant in West London. My boyfriend (soon to become my husband) came with me. He and I had been together since 2004 and were madly in love. My mother could see this (one would have to be blind to not see it), and she knew that nothing she could do or say would scare my boyfriend away. (Believe me, she'd tried. My palpable happiness at being in love with my soulmate was unbearable for her, and she was furious that she'd been unable to destroy it.)

I got up to go to the toilet, and my mother followed me. While I was washing my hands, my mother turned me around, looked me square in the face and said: "Don't get too close to anyone."

"What do you mean," I said, "what about your partner and your children?"

There was a split-second pause. Her gaze intensified. "Especially them," she said. "Especially them."

Rather bemused, I shrugged, opened the door and went out to rejoin my dad and my boyfriend at the table.

I didn't realise until much later, but as brief as it was, that was the most intimate and revealing conversation I have ever had with my mother.