Flying monkeys revisited: unquestioning gatekeepers for the long-term sick

When I undertook an eclectic range of (mostly administrative) temping work in my early twenties, one assignment that stands out in my memory is being a PA for someone who didn't exist. This was in the Information Systems section at the Head Office of a well-known British department store. (As a point of interest, this was just before I temped in the Customer Relations section at the same London head office, working directly under one of the most vicious and vile narcissists I have ever met, even including my mother.)

Anyway, when I say "PA for someone who didn't exist", of course that's slight hyperbole. He DID exist, but I never met him or even got to talk to him, and he had already been off work for some time when I first sat my butt cheeks on the swivel chair outside his vacant office. He was one of three directors (the other two of which were very much evident, and made the most of my £10.75/hour rate), and after I'd been in this slightly surreal role for a few days, I gleaned the reason for his elusiveness - he was, quite simply, on "long term indeterminate sick leave". I was left to make my own mind up about what exactly "sick" meant, and I was certainly not allowed to tell ANYONE who called that he was on long term indeterminate sick leave. Instead, I was told to dutifully inform every caller that he was "in a meeting".

I asked no questions, as it wasn't my place to question - I just did the job I was told to do (so long as it involved the basic and somewhat extensive gamut of 'administrative duties'), and gratefully took the cash at the end of each week to throw into the black hole of my student debt.

In essence, I was a gatekeeper for someone who had certain personal (and/or health) issues, and quite rightly did not want anyone in his professional sphere to find out about those issues. So obediently I parroted back to every caller "I'm sorry, he's in a meeting, may I take a message or perhaps redirect your call?"

One caller claimed to be his wife, another his sister, another a "good friend", but regardless of who they said they were, my response remained consistent. He's in a meeting. Yes, another one. Yes, he has a lot of meetings. I'm sorry, I can't say when he'll be available, all I can do is take a message... Yes, I have his diary right here in front of me and there do appear to be a few available slots where he actually doesn't have a meeting, but I'm sorry, I just can't guarantee... Have I seen him today? Well no, to be honest I haven't but he IS a very busy man, as I'm sure you understand....

I realised recently that flying monkeys - the nice kind, not the consciously collusive kind - are a bit like me in that ridiculous "PA to nobody" role. The person I was working for was, I assumed (because I could ONLY assume), a decent, professional human being who was just going through a bit of a hard time, which was none of anybody else's fucking business. It was my part of my somewhat fluid job description to field or fob off any intrusive enquiries, to maintain the illusion of 'business as normal'.

This is EXACTLY what flying monkeys do. For whatever reason (in my case it was because my role required it), they do not question why, they just do. Many would say that they defend the narcissist because, to them, the narcissist is NOT a narcissist, they are a human being worth defending. To the flying monkey, s/he has only ever shown kindness, or simply appeared completely benign. Fair enough. 

If someone who claimed to be an erstwhile friend or associate of my non-existent (or at least 'elsewhere') boss had approached me and said "Hey, temp girl, guess what. That piece of shit you're working for cheated on his wife while she was dying of cancer, abused and abandoned his children and takes part in Satanic rituals," I would have responded by mechanically saying "I'm sorry, he's in a meeting. Would you like me to take a message?" 

Yes, even if that 'someone' was a close friend or relation of my non-existent, elsewhere boss, or Satan himself, this would have been my response.

Why? Because I'm spineless? No, because in the absence of HARD EVIDENCE, I always assume the best (or at least never the worst) of people.

This is why I can never hate or even resent my mother's flying monkeys. I actually feel sorry for them. They are only acting in the way their heart is telling them to. My mother has never given them any reason to doubt her. Why would she? Their blinkered, admirable loyalty is 'paid for' in fake friendship, one based on misleading them, on obscuring, lying, pretending and denying. And that's no kind of friendship. They are simply duped spokespeople in my mother's oblivious, vociferous PR team.